


I found something in the woods somewhere

by blueberrywizard



Series: my sun, my moon, and all my stars [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: A bit of depersonalisation, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Dissociation, Harm to Animals, Hurt No Comfort, I Don't Even Know, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Inspired by a Hozier Song, M/M, Not Beta Read, Open to Interpretation, Or I guess it can be called that, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Song: In The Woods Somewhere (Hozier)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:34:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26569633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueberrywizard/pseuds/blueberrywizard
Summary: "His fear started to look a lot like a dark haired man, whose eyes hid thousands of stars, and his smile hid a life that was never meant for him, a life he didn’t have."
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: my sun, my moon, and all my stars [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1932478
Kudos: 6





	I found something in the woods somewhere

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [I found something in the woods somewhere](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19700227) by [blueberrywizard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueberrywizard/pseuds/blueberrywizard). 



> At this point I hate myself, because it's late and I've decided to translate this one, and let me tell you, I used a lot of fancy words when I was writing it in my first language. I did it mostly because I was proud of this one when I wrote it (I still am), and also because I wanted to do small series with fics for these two. I love them with all my heart, your honour.
> 
> Title and general idea for this fic are from "In The Woods Somewhere" by Hozier. It's my favourite song, I think.
> 
> Just to be clear, more trigger warnings for things in this fic and might be disturbing: dissociation, depersonalisation, and mention of suicide. These are only mentioned, because it's a small fic, but better safe than sorry. If I forgot about something or I should tag them, let me know, I'll change it!

_ I heard a scream in the woods somewhere.  _

  
  
  


The night was dark and cold, like all of them recently were on this latitude. Vast tracts of forests trailing to the horizon, the moon, hanging low in the sky, and some bats, flying quickly, searching for a shelter, made it look like something you can only see in the nightmares. However, if you walked deep in the forest, where nobody else dared to, especially when it was so late, you would find a small, wooden cottage. If the moon was higher in the sky, illuminating the cottage better, a lost traveller would see white, neatly starched white curtains, and brown plant pots with red geraniums. But the night was dark and cold, like a prophecy that nobody wants to listen, because they know it’ll be fulfilled. 

Horrible, animal-like screams pierced through the air, violently breaking the quiet calmness of the forest. It came from the wooden cottage, whose only inhabitant was twisting and turning in bed deliriously, trying to fight the sickness in his veins. His mumbles, mixed with desperate groans, could almost settle down in something that resembled a name, if only someone would come closer to him, and try to listen to him.

However, there was no one who could have done that.

Torn, sweaty shirt clinged to his skin like a second skin. He breathed heavily, as if his own body was trying to beat him, and that’s exactly what was happening here. Torn between two worlds, he couldn’t find his place in either of them. He woke up with a loud gasp, it almost seemed like the darkness was tightening around him, squeezing and crushing, humming about baseness and injustice. He couldn’t understand this ancient language of evil, but he had been instinctively immersing in it – some part of him lived and breathed in the same air that another part hated from the bottom of its heart. 

He stood up, shaking and begging anyone who would be willing to hear him so his feet wouldn’t fail him now. He felt like he was in a fog, as if he had been looking for something, he would never find. He didn’t remember where or who he was, but surroundings were familiar to him. He straightened up to his full height, trying to lessen the feeling of his body being too small, not fitting, just  _ wrong. _ He bit his lips to the point of bleeding, uselessly looking around the room he did not recognise. He tried to find a foothold, some clarity that would tell him who he is and what he is doing in this place. He almost walked up to the photos, hanging on the walls, but he was distracted by a bloodcurdling sound, something between scream and whine, coming from the forest.

His legs, still weak, carried him away to the place, where the noise had come from, before his mind, still absorbed in chaos, could even follow him. With every step he took, he felt dread rising inside; he instinctively  _ knew _ that something had been wrong, that there was something he should have remembered, but he couldn’t, no matter how hard he tried to, he just  _ couldn’t fucking remember it. _

Everything was slipping through his fingers like water. Memories, consciousness, identity, he couldn’t even trust his senses – some part of his brain was aware that he’s stepping on pine-needles, cones and branches, but he didn’t care. He just ran like hell, feverishly, yet blindly, heading to the muted whimpers that were getting louder and louder with every step.

_ Animal, which doesn’t register anything, even pain, is nothing more than a vessel, filled to the brim with madness. _

He didn’t know how long it had taken him to get to the small clearing – it was more like a small carpet made of grass than anything else, really – it might have been hours as well as just a couple of minutes. On the edge of said clearing, under arborescent willow, laid a dark shape, and it’s pitiful wailing was echoing through the forest. He came closer, curious, but full of somewhat devout fear; something he felt from the moment he had heard first scream, piercing through the night air. That shape turned out to be a large, black dog – a wolf maybe? – and it quieten down, sensing his presence. Its rib cage was moving frantically, and at irregular intervals. He could see its bones exposed to the chill air, among other wounds that must have been causing the unbearable pain. Its clear, bright eyes followed his every movement when he looked for a stone to end his pain. He got the feeling that behind them was hidden some consciousness, which he couldn’t understand – much like everything else – since he lacked the ability to comprehend things fully, as he should. He just wondered what caused such wounds, how sharp and large the teeth must have been to tear strong muscles and break bones. He wasn’t worried about his own safety, it was a concept he couldn’t quite grasp – there only was a naive curiosity, just like the one that led him to this place.

He bent over a small stream that was disappearing into the woods, hoping that he’ll find what he had been looking for  _ (looking for what exactly?), _ and in the last flash of the moonlight, he saw yellow eyes watching him, and it shook him to the core. He turned and ran, leaving the forest just like he came.

His fear started to look a lot like a dark haired man, whose eyes hid thousands of stars, and his smile hid a life that was never meant for him, a life  _ he didn’t have. _ But his memory was still failing him, and his thoughts were slow. He ran straight ahead, not caring about sharp branches hitting him in the face and lashing at his arms. He was floating again. Out of time, out of body, out of space and matter. And in all of this, he lost a part of him that wished to lie down next to the animal he had found, and perish at its side. Even smaller part told him that he _ had already tried it. _

He tripped over an ash tree’s root. The force of his fall was enough to partially snap out of that detachment. He didn’t understand why he would ever want it, he clutched his life so hard it hurts. He’s not done yet. He has so many years, he’ll know he’ll bear them.

He took a deep breath, and like a water washing over stones, he regained consciousness.

Sirius is waiting for him at home.

  
  
  


_ I heard a scream in the woods somewhere.  _

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Ash tree, ironically, symbolizes peace of mind, sacrifice, sensitivity and higher awareness. I found information on [this page](https://www.warpaths2peacepipes.com/native-american-culture/meaning-of-trees.htm) and it was actually really interesting to read; there's a lot about language of flowers, but less about trees. And the whole cultural aspect! Well, I'm a nerd who likes to learn things, so I thought you might like it too (and if not, I'm still adding sources, because it's a habit).
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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